What if leaving is a loving thing?

Looking at brochures about universities in Australia as a teenager I dreamt of moving abroad one day. Still I stayed for many years after that and worked, studied and lived fairly satisfied in my hometown. Then my life finally got to the point when I realised I can't wait anymore for some miracle to happen that takes me away. I had to do the work myself if I wanted to get somewhere!

When I actually decided to move abroad and leave, I thought the hardest part would've been getting everything organised for leaving and saying goodbyes to all my friends and family at the time. The last week was a mixture of excitement, sadness and doubt. I think I was missing everybody already beforehand, before I had even left them. But in the end the moment when I left my family to the airport wasn't that difficult as I had feared. I don't think I even cried much, if all and I admit that I cry quite a lot! I guess I was so excited to jump in the unknown that I kind of forgot. But the thing that I hadn't thought about, and no one usually talks about is that leaving your beloved ones is emotionally hard everytime you do it. I get to face this after every lovely holiday I spend back home. It doesn't get easier the more you do it, if anything, it gets harder everytime. It's something you can't prepare your heart for. But hey they say ”what doesn't kill you makes you stronger” right?

Sometimes I curse myself for choosing to split my life and heart into these two places so far apart and wonder why I want to keep doing it. Still I can't imagine moving back either. My life is here now and if I would have never left home I might have become bitter and bored eventually. I would have regretted if I wouldn't have left and I don't want to regret anything in my life. Now I know who are the people in my life I couldn't live without, who I need and want to be there. I feel like I appreciate every single person in my life even more now. There's no time to waste anymore. It would be so much easier not to miss and pre-miss anyone, but how could I not when they are all such remarkable and awesome people?

For me choosing to leave home was a loving thing to do.

(When I'm listening to Sahara Hotnights album What if Leaving is a Loving Thing, I always remember my youth, where I come from and where I want to go. It keeps my feet on the ground.)

Tiina K